After years of years , reading and trying to improve yourself ,
So when something new come , I can face it with a mych mature way .
No more stupid sadness , No more stupid frustration ,
No more emotional explosion ,
But why why why , after years of changing and finding new experiences
I still met back that self which I do not want to see .
That stupid timid self . That fearful self .
I know myself , but why why why .
Why Why Why ?
I wonder. Just a little thing reminding the past and I was back .
All sense of inferority is back.
I can no longer face it with the superme confidence .
I fall back to my emotional indulgence which I so afraid to be back .
I keep going . I learn from the past . I seize the day .
But why will it come to me again .
Why ?
2010年5月9日 星期日
2010年4月25日 星期日
Frustrations three - Love
Love is irrational.
Love is emotional.
Love is everything .
Love is too big and too sacred to be discussed.
Love is the last gift for all people suffering from harsh reality.
So we should let it be .
But sometimes , this may not be the case .
Some people settled with the one who is easy to be with .
Some people chosen someone who is easy to be manipulated .
They said love should make people feel comfortable .
So what is comfortable ?
That is vanity-satisfying and you do not need to work and do much .
For some , love is the best entertainment .
For some , love is a serious matter .
When people who want to be entertained meet some serious one ,
The serious one will defintely be recognized as a boring moron or girl.
When people are entertained but hurt at last,
They want those serious one back , but those serious one may turned into an entertainer because they think serious would be a bad attribute.
That is fucking rediculus as I have met so many these kind of situations again and again from friends' stories.
However , those quite girls or boys will tend to fall in live with entertainers,
because they think they find passions they have never have .
So what will be at last ?
Being played.
That is what makes people don't get serious about love , because they don't want to be hurted.
Where are all your confidence ? You lost it when you started not to be different ?
Love is emotional.
Love is everything .
Love is too big and too sacred to be discussed.
Love is the last gift for all people suffering from harsh reality.
So we should let it be .
But sometimes , this may not be the case .
Some people settled with the one who is easy to be with .
Some people chosen someone who is easy to be manipulated .
They said love should make people feel comfortable .
So what is comfortable ?
That is vanity-satisfying and you do not need to work and do much .
For some , love is the best entertainment .
For some , love is a serious matter .
When people who want to be entertained meet some serious one ,
The serious one will defintely be recognized as a boring moron or girl.
When people are entertained but hurt at last,
They want those serious one back , but those serious one may turned into an entertainer because they think serious would be a bad attribute.
That is fucking rediculus as I have met so many these kind of situations again and again from friends' stories.
However , those quite girls or boys will tend to fall in live with entertainers,
because they think they find passions they have never have .
So what will be at last ?
Being played.
That is what makes people don't get serious about love , because they don't want to be hurted.
Where are all your confidence ? You lost it when you started not to be different ?
Frustrations Two
The real knowledge can always be possesed by very few .
Some people do really tell me what is correct, what is right . They really inspire me .
But sometimes , some people are coming and telling me what to do with my life .
It is weird .
I know myself well and you are giving me advises which pushes me to do so .
It is horrible.
I always think for myself . I read . I met new people .
You come along and giving me your advises not tailored for me but just mere general suggestions which could applied by all , I thought you are already stopped to be able to see the difference in people, and that is sad.
Some people do really tell me what is correct, what is right . They really inspire me .
But sometimes , some people are coming and telling me what to do with my life .
It is weird .
I know myself well and you are giving me advises which pushes me to do so .
It is horrible.
I always think for myself . I read . I met new people .
You come along and giving me your advises not tailored for me but just mere general suggestions which could applied by all , I thought you are already stopped to be able to see the difference in people, and that is sad.
2010年1月4日 星期一
Bullshit here
Sometimes I am astonished the power of market.
That it can make an individual power so weak .
If the majority like talking something about A
People who talk about B will be marginalized.
If the majority embrace to wear red trousers
People who wear other will be recognized as odd.
Trend is created by majority I think .
Effiency is archieved by meeting stardand . That is quality management .
But however, human character should be different so there will be more possibilities in human.
But now , even character qualities could be directed by market force .
Individual power seemed so insignicant .
I am sad and frustrated about it . The meaning of some terms could be very suspicious.
Charming
Could it mean that people who has the quality which will not discover any problems in person ?
Passion
Could it mean that people who just devote all energy emotions without purpose ?
你會唔會諗太多呀?
Is it to encourge us keep our eyes blind and stop any kind of discovery ?
你唔係以為自己係點點點....
Is it to encourgae us not to live to be different ?
I want to write .
I want to say .
But from my experience , those are just too heavy .
So what can I do ?
Bullshit here.
Fuck is such a powerful word.
so I can express my powerlessness through this word Fuck.
People who have thoughts are more difficult to change according to the market needs.
So a fool can be some very successful people because they can be so " flexible "
People who have self-consciouness will suffer sometimes like investing stock but cannot sell it.
These people will suffer according to market fluatutions.
But at long as they invest their thoughts right , they will benefit more than people who just follow the market trend. I hope .
A friend told me
" The more you know , the more you read , the more you are in the abyss of loneliness "
I do not want to betray myself cause I think I know myself .
But what can you do with yourself with the environment who only need money ?
Shit.Fuck.
I need to create and act to it. It is not easy . But I will try .
Others say everybody feels uncomfortable with new environment .
Yes, but I have never feel that uncomfortable before.
Life in HKU is good . But not enough for me .
I need more conversations to refresh my life.
That it can make an individual power so weak .
If the majority like talking something about A
People who talk about B will be marginalized.
If the majority embrace to wear red trousers
People who wear other will be recognized as odd.
Trend is created by majority I think .
Effiency is archieved by meeting stardand . That is quality management .
But however, human character should be different so there will be more possibilities in human.
But now , even character qualities could be directed by market force .
Individual power seemed so insignicant .
I am sad and frustrated about it . The meaning of some terms could be very suspicious.
Charming
Could it mean that people who has the quality which will not discover any problems in person ?
Passion
Could it mean that people who just devote all energy emotions without purpose ?
你會唔會諗太多呀?
Is it to encourge us keep our eyes blind and stop any kind of discovery ?
你唔係以為自己係點點點....
Is it to encourgae us not to live to be different ?
I want to write .
I want to say .
But from my experience , those are just too heavy .
So what can I do ?
Bullshit here.
Fuck is such a powerful word.
so I can express my powerlessness through this word Fuck.
People who have thoughts are more difficult to change according to the market needs.
So a fool can be some very successful people because they can be so " flexible "
People who have self-consciouness will suffer sometimes like investing stock but cannot sell it.
These people will suffer according to market fluatutions.
But at long as they invest their thoughts right , they will benefit more than people who just follow the market trend. I hope .
A friend told me
" The more you know , the more you read , the more you are in the abyss of loneliness "
I do not want to betray myself cause I think I know myself .
But what can you do with yourself with the environment who only need money ?
Shit.Fuck.
I need to create and act to it. It is not easy . But I will try .
Others say everybody feels uncomfortable with new environment .
Yes, but I have never feel that uncomfortable before.
Life in HKU is good . But not enough for me .
I need more conversations to refresh my life.
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